Suggest That They Work On Their Own Issues
You want to gently suggest that parents work on their own issues. Everyone has issues and parents in general need to work on theirs to avoid affecting their children negatively. This will also give the parents practice working through their feelings in a healthy way.
Ask Them To Know What Their Reasons For Wanting A Child Are
Adoptive parents want children for different reasons. Having adoptive parents identify why they want a child will help shed light on their expectations. This can help adoptive parents to recognize when they are asking children to be something they're not or to fill a need that adoptive parents need to fill on their own.
Tell Them To Expect Some Challenges
Knowing that challenges are the norm seems to put adoptive parents at ease. Sometimes they feel like if they were better or if a right match between child and parents was made then there would be no challenges. Assure them that dealing with some challenges is part of the process.
Tell Them Where To Turn With Problems
Make sure that adoptive parents know that there are places to turn when they need help. You may be able to provide additional counseling or you may be able to recommend someone else. Let them know that when they need help it will be there.
Educate Them On Adoptive Family Dynamics
Adoptive family dynamics are complex. Sometimes the child will like one parent and not the other or the child may not like either parent. Knowing the common dynamics helps adoptive parents understand what is going on and feel more in control.
Have Them Set Up A Support System
A support system is necessary for adoptive parents. They need to know who they can call, what they can expect from each person, and that they really can call when they need it.
Insist That They Plan Time Away From Their Children
To be good parents, adoptive parents need to spend time together away from their children. A little distance gives perspective. It also gives everyone a break from each other.
Prepare Them For Hurtful Comments
Adoptive parents are going to hear some hurtful comments from people who don't understand adoption. Prepare them for this so that they can respond but not react in a nonproductive way.
Have Them Set Aside Time To Listen To Their Children
Adoptive children need to know that their parents will be there to listen whether they have something to say or not. Quality time set aside just for talking must be a fact of life. This time must not have any distractions for adoptive parents because children know when they have someone's undivided attention and when they don't.
Remind Them That All Families Have Problems
Adoptive parents may feel that all problems stem from the adoptive dynamic but really all families have problems. Remind adoptive parents that this is completely natural.
T. Rheinecker enjoys writing about how to enroll in masters of social work programs online.
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